Though I am bipolar, and it is extremely difficult to fight my own battles, surviving my father’s manic episodes have been if not just as difficult, more difficult. I have learned that throughout the years I have developed control issues. Mostly, I like to control as many aspects of my life possible. Growing up I was never able to be the puppet-master of my father’s manic episodes which usually left me feeling out of control. This is a very unsettling feeling for a person of any age, let alone for a young child.
Instead I had to stand back and support my family, as they supported me, while we all prayed for it to pass. We prayed that it wouldn’t end in an arrest of some sort and that he would slowly collect his marbles until he was bearable to be around again. As we all went through hell, it always seemed as though my dad was “living his dream.” He turns on all of us, as he always does in his manic episodes, and he gets to have the lay of the land, running around like a mad man while we follow him like pathetic servants collecting the pieces. Boy, do I have a lot more to say on the subject matter, but now is not the time-another day.