About me

Hi everyone! Thanks for stopping by. Anyway, I am a 25 year old female. I was diagnosed bipolar after being hospitalized at the ripe age of 15. It was my freshman year of highschool and frankly, I didn’t know what hit me. I grew up with floor seats, and the show was “bipolar disorder.” They could also be known as season tickets, for it seemed that my father had a full blown episode every year. So lucky me, I had the genetic predisposition, and the environmental exposure to ensure my diagnosis. I asked my P-doc, aka, psychiatrist, just a couple days ago (at my last emergency session) what my diagnosis was exactly. He said he would say bipolar II, as I’ve only experienced one full blown manic episode which he believes was induced by a drug I had a terrible reaction to, Paxil, and then was immediately hospitalized for I think it was 2 weeks. Las Encinias in beautiful California was my hotel I resided in for that brief, but terrible period, of my life.

Since my initial diagnosis it has been smooth sailing for the most part. Sure there has been a little turbulence, but this year, around the exact time of my ten year anniversary of my initial diagnosis, the plane almost crashed. I found myself in the darkest cave, the deepest abyss, and the choppy-est ocean one can ever find themselves drowning in. I am now entering the 8th month of this horrific depressive episode, but I think I am almost at the end of the tunnel–I am hoping I can put my hand down, finish making that wish, and finally release the grip I have on my nostrils and at last, take a deep breath of air, which I have been patiently awaiting.

Yes, I have been depressed in the last ten years, but no, never like this. I have tried everything to remedy this noose of depression that has been swaddling my throat for so long now. No, I have not been continuously depressed. The clouds have passed, letting short glimpses of the sun through, maybe a week, ten days, 2 weeks at most at a time. But these glimpses have been short lived, and just a simple tease of what my life used to be like, before the cross fell on my shoulders.

One remedy I attempted, which is still pulling me through, and sometimes the only thing I look forward to in my daily routine, is reading my blogs that are related to aspects of bipolar. These blogs have helped me realize I must stop being so egocentric and realize I am not alone in this battle. There are soldiers, colonels, and even nurses all around me that are fighting this very same battle. We all have the same cause, and we are all hoping for the same outcome: freedom and victory. We all want to win this battle and be freed from the ties of our illness.

So with all this being said, I have decided to start a blog of my own. I have thought about mood charts, a book, and even a private journal, but what good does that do. Let’s put it out there, I want to pay it forward and possibly help someone else that’s out there, maybe another man down that can’t see any other soldiers in sight. Let’s all work to educate and end the ignorance and stigma that encompasses mental illness.

So please, read on. I promise to attempt an honest record of my experiences.

Good luck soldiers, friends and family of soldiers, and anyone that wants to educate themselves about this disease, bipolar disorder, depression, mood disorders, anxiety…it’s an all in one package!


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